week 5: I need to work on my spanish . . . . .

Okay, so first off, this week has been fantastic and has gone by so fast!! Seriously I can't believe I'm emailing again. I wish I could tell you guys lots of amazing stories of things that have happened, but this week not much as gone down. Just a lot of classes and lots of Spanish. Which I'm still terrible at. But it's okay, it's slowly coming and when I really need help, like in a lesson with an investigator, I know what to say. So that's been a blessing. And this week I have just been so happy. I'll wake up at 6:30 every morning and just be happy. I'll sometimes just sit here and wonder why I'm so happy. I honestly can't tell you why other than the fact that this is the true gospel and the Lord blesses His missionaries so much.

So I told y'all that I'm the leader of the hermanas. Oh my goodness, it is so hard. There are so many hermanas here right now and spanish really is a struggle for me. But I have a good story from it, so I guess it's alright that I can't speak it. So the first night, I'm explaining all the rules to them, in spanish of course, and we're talking and I say, "If any of you get sick or have any problems I have the medication kit for the hermanas and you can just come talk to me and we'll make sure you feel better."  the last group of hermanas here called medications 'drugas'. . . ya, these new latinas do NOT call medication drugas. So, I'll just give you a rough translation of what I told all these new sister missionaries. "If you are sick or not feeling good, I have drugs for you. There's a whole kit and I'll help you feel better." Yep. I told 30 sister missionaries that I'm a drug dealer. It was awesome. They laughed at me so hard and I'm sure my face was bright red. But once we got that cleared up they understood....at least I hope. La lucha es real. (The struggle is real). 

We are singing as a district on Sunday and the song we are singing is so beautiful. We almost had one of our teachers crying. We are singing oh my father to the tune of homeward bound by MoTab. It's so so so beautiful. Please look it up. I wish you guys could hear it. 

So I'm out of time, and since it's transfers on Tuesday, yes I'm going out into the real world of Guatemala. It's going to be fantastic. I don't know if I'll be able to email you guys next week, so it might be two weeks until you hear from me. So we'll just have to see! 

I love you guys so much!! Look for other people to serve. Please. That is huge. Someone always needs you to help them. Have an awesome week! I love you!

Love, 

Hermana Tuddenham

week 4: One month already?!

Hello my dear family! How are y'all? I hope so good! Thanks for all the emails and the updates! I love reading them and seeing pictures!

Okay so first off, how has it been a month? Like honestly. I feel like I've been here for only a few days...but at the same time I feel like I've been here my whole life. But to think there's only 17 months left just makes my heart race! There's so much to do and 17 months just isn't long enough to do it all! I only have two week left here at the CCM and I have only recieved one letter so far and it was from Grandma Jo (thanks! It totally made my night!) She used a global stamp and it got to me within a week, so mom try and use those. Hopefully the rest of the letters make it before I leave, but from now on send all your letters to:

Guatemala Guatemala City South

Apartado Postal 340-A

01909 Guatemala City

Guatemala

and if you're sending packages send them to:

Guatemala Guatemala City South

Ave. Reforma 8/60 Galerias Reforma

Torre 2 Nivel 6, 606 Zona 9

Guatemala

with packages, if you use a private courier you'll need to call 502 2331-8611. and just be sure to put a little something in for my companions because they'll almost never get anything from home. I don't think I'll need very many because I can get just about everything here. But I do want that ipod with music and I'll keep you updated with that.

okay, so this week has been 1,000x's better. Honestly. It went by so fast and I have been so happy this week. 

One of the things that stood out to me most in general conference and a bunch of our devotionals is the importance of partaking the sacrament. It really should be something we look forward to taking each week and something that we take with deep reverance in our hearts. It should be when we remember the Savior's sacrafice for us and that was not an easy thing to do. But He did it because He loves us. This Sunday I tried really hard to focus on the importance and significance of what I was doing and it was a very special experience.

On wednesday we got the opportunity to go out and do actual street contacting. But first let me clear up confusion about when I talk about my investigadors, sorry I thought I explained this the first week. They aren't real investigadors, it's just our teachers acting like investigadors and at first I thought it was really stupid because it's pretend. But we have a special part of the building called CRE and there are 6 rooms that are decorated to look just like living rooms and we have to knock on the door and act like it's a real house. Our teachers use people they know to act and pretend they have the same problems and needs. It's crazy how much you end up loving these people and want them to be happy. We pray for them and really feel like they're real. So sorry for not explaining that earlier. So anyways, they opened up the gates and said go talk to people. I was so scared. I struggle with spanish more than most people in my district and get down about that sometimes, but it's okay. So we go and talk to this one lady and she just completely blows us off. But then we went up and were talking to one of the guards that was outside one of the stores and placed a book of mormon!! That was the best feeling in the world. And after that conversation we didn't know who to talk to and I saw this man probably in his 50's walking down the street. He was outside of the boundary we were given, but the second I saw him, I knew we needed to talk to him. So I said, "Hermana Jepson. We need to wait for him to get to us and we need to talk to him." So she said okay and we stood and waited for him. We walked up and said hello and asked how he was and he replied quickly and kept walking past us and then all of a sudden just stopped walking and turned around and walked back to us and started talking to us. He said he lives near by and walks past the CCM and the temple every day and has wondered for the longest time what they are. So we explained....IN SPANISH...real live spanish! He took a Book of Mormon and said he wanted to meet with us again! I love contacting! It is the greatest feeling in the world, to know that your message can bring someone so much happiness and to see the Lord working inside them! It's amazing! Look for experiences to share the gospel, they are everywhere!

We had a devotional by Jeffery R. Holland and something he said really struck me. He said, "What organization puts it's future on the backs of 18 and 19 year olds? What government does that? What buisness does that? What church does that? Unless it contains the absolute truthfulness of the gospel.' So that's just a neat quote to think about.

So there have been some funny things that happened this week. First off, we were outside on the basketball courts teaching each other and practicing how to contact and it was at night and we were standing in a big group and when it gets dark it cools off and bugs come out. So we're standing there and this giant moth lands on my shirt and I brushed it off because I didn't realize how big it was. And then it came and landed on me again and this time I realized how huge it was and screamed and started running around trying to get it to leave me alone, but it wouldn't! Oh my gosh the bugs here are so big! It was terrifying. My district was laughing so hard at me. It was not funny at all. Scariest thing ever. But then it turned out to just be a butterfly.....but it was still a giant monster bug. 

One of the other funny things that happened was last night at dinner. We had chicken drumsticks and the latina sitting next to me was just going to town and I have no idea how this happened, but while she was eating it the top part of the chicken launched off of the bone and smacked me in the face and rolled down my arm and landed in my lap. It felt like someone had just slapped me, except there was wet stuff running down my face. The look on that latinas face was priceless. One I realized what had happened I was laughing so hard. None of us could eat because we were laughing so hard.

So there's this elder in my district and he acts just like Ellie. Not even kidding. It's like I never left home and Ellie just came with me and is a 19 year old boy. It's the funniest thing and kind of nice to still have El with me all day. I want them to get married. I won't ever babysit their children because they'll be so wild. But they're perfect for each other.

So I'm still the tallest hermana in the whole CCM. The last group of latinas we had were very very very short. Like don't even come to my shoulder. One night we were standing there and I felt like buddy the elf. You know how in the first part of the movie he's in the north pole and everyone else is tiny and he's huge. that's how I feel every day of my life. I seriously am a giant. A giant with a very strange last name. Oh I wish I could take a picture of everyone's face when I say what my last name it. NO ONE can pronounce it right and it's hilarious. We'll be in class or at a devotional and the person in charge will be asking people to say prayers or lead music or something and they'll look at me and say, "Hermannnnaaaaaaa.......Jepson! Will you say the prayer?" It's so funny because they were going to pick me, but Tuddenham is just too hard for them to say. I love it because then I never have to do anything. Okay that's not entirely true because I just got called to be the leader of all the hermanas in the CCM. I am scared to death. We have our biggest group coming today and tomorrow of hermanas and I'm supposed to take care of them and guide them and help them and I can't even speak their language...so this is going to be a challenge. But I'm sure with the Lord's help I'll be able to speak a little spanish. 

I was so happy to hear the USU beat BYU!! Go Aggies!! My comp. is a die-hard Utah State fan as well. She lives in Vegas but went to USU last year and we were both very happy to hear of that victory! She said that they are tearing down the golden toaster thought! How sad is that?? 

Dad, we didn't feel that massive earthquake here. But we are right by the boarder of El Salvador so I'm sure some parts did, I just didn't because I was out cold last night. Sleep is pure gold. I love it.

Mom, I'll be sure to write you that letter you asked for. I'll stick it in the mail today or tomorrow. Sorry I'd write it now but don't have much more time. So be looking for that.

I love you guys so much! Thank you for all your prayers. You truly have no idea how much of a difference they make. It's such a blessing to have such a supportive family!

I love you!

Con mucho amor,

Hermana Tuddenham

week 3: This too shall pass . . . .

Hey family! 

So this week has been super hard and discouraging. But hey we all have tough weeks don't we? It's good for us to have some rough and sad times so that we can more fully appreciate the good times! So this must be a blessing in disugise right?

So I'll just hit the highlights from this week:

Good news! The tests from the hosptial came back negative, which is a blessing that there is nothing seriously wrong. They put me on some medications for 6 weeks that I take twice a day and that has been helping a ton. I still get pretty sick sometimes, but I'm able to still go to class. I know that the priesthood blessing I was given really helped me alot. The power of the priesthood is amazing.

So the market was a blast! This city is gorgeous! There are so many neat things! I found some cool things for y'all that I'll send home for Christmas! Wendy's was amazing. The frosty's down here are so much better than at home. Seriously, they are to die for! 

We committed our first investigador to baptism! That was honestly the greatest part of this entire week. The spirit in that room was so strong testifying of the truthfulness of this gospel. That moment in and of itself makes all the crappy times worth it. I am so happy for Frederman. He's ready for this and so willing to learn! 

So the funniest thing happened at one of our devotionals. An elder in my district fell asleep and was out cold. We all stood up to sing the last song and he was still out. His comp was being super loud and yell singing and he still wouldn't wake up. So after all the nortes (us white people) got in a big circle around him and just laughed for like ten minutes and he was still out cold. So one of the elders said on the count of three sing called to serve as loud as you can. So we did and not even 5 words into the song, which was exteremely loud by the way, he jumped out of his chair, his glasses went flying off, he said some words a missionary shouldn't say and had the look of pure terror on his face. We all laughed for probably twenty minutes about that. It was so funny!

I can't remeber what day of the week it was, but we had the worst rainstorm Presidente said he's ever seen down here. It was amazing! The thunder was so loud it shook the entire CCM and set off every car alarm in Guatemala City and made me scream, it scared me so bad. Then all at once it just started to pour. The definition of pouring rain here and in the United States is completely different. You couldn't see becuase it was raining so hard. It's the most wonderful thing to fall asleep to. It's not so much fun when your room floods because you forget to shut your window....that was an adventure to clean up....

So we got to watch General Conference in english and it was amazing!!! Such a good conference. I don't know if you guys noticed or if it's just because this is all I think about every day, but all the talks were perfect for investigadors. Please please please send me them when they get printed next month. There are no english ones here, and if they have them they are so expensive. I loved Elder Bednar's talk on the Saturday afternoon session. That was simply amazing. The story was so funny and so sweet. I could go off on all the talks forever! And how cool was it that they got to speak their native language! Dad, did you catch on to anything the chinese speaker said? Or was the english voice too loud? 

This week the most important thing I've learned is to rely on the Holy Ghost. Even when you're having the worst day ever and everything is getting you down, the Holy Ghost will lift you up in your darkest hour and will help everything seem okay. With my 16 hour days learning spanish all day and not understanding basically anything and then dragging my feet to bed at 10:30, the only thing that makes it worth it is the spirit and love I have for my Savior. I love Him. This is His work and it is amazing. I really cannot describe to you the love I have for Him. I wouldn't be out here if I didn't know with certainty in my heart and mind that this gospel is 100% true. This is truly God's true church. Never take advantage that we have this happiness in our life and have so many advantages of living in Utah and having so many temples near us.

I love you guys so much and miss you dearly.

Love,

Hermana Tuddenham

week 2: Being a missionary is the best thing in the world!

Hola familia!

So this week has been so good, but so so dificil. I have been beyond sick. I think I cursed myself with last weeks email. When ever I eat my stomach goes into knots and at first the nurse thought it was because of acid, so kind of like what happened to grandma norma after she got back from Hawaii, but it never got any better. I've missed some classes this week because I've been in so much pain. I haven't cried here until then. I was in class one night and it just hit me how bad my stomach hurt and my teacher, Hermana Chavez noticed I was huntched over and asked if I was okay. I couldn't even reply because I was in so much pain, I just had tears running down my face and so she told my comp to take me upstairs. I got to my room and just collapsed on my bed. Hermana Cox, the Presidents wife, came up to check on me and so did Hermana Burbridge and when Hna. Cox saw me she said, "I'm going to get your zone leader. You need a blessing." So they set up this little room and there were 8 elders in there waiting for me and I walked in and they gave me a blessing and it was their first time ever doing it and they did such a good job, the blessing was beautiful and the spirit was so strong. Now I wish that I could say I was instantly healed and all was well. But I wasn't. I had to go to the doctor and he thinks I might have a bacteria growing in my stomach or that my pancreas isn't producing enough lipase. wonderful right? so today we went to the hosptial and got some blood drawn so they can run tests and figure out what the heck is going on. I'm crossing my fingers that they figure it out soon. I AM STARVING!! The only thing I've eaten for the past week is carrots, peas and potatos-rabbit food. I never want to eat another carrot in my life. ever. but that's one thing that I love so much about the CCM and it being so small, is how personal it is here. The chef knows who I am, what times I eat and he makes me a special meal of rabbit food and brings it out to me in the cafeteria himself. It's so sweet. And all of the elders who helped with the blessing or who know I've been sick always ask how I'm feeling. We really are like one big family here and I love it so much. One day after eating rabbit food the only thing that sounded good was strawberry ice cream, so the nurse told me to eat it, we always get to eat ice cream but only at lunch, and Presidente Cox came up to me and said, "Sister, if that doesn't make you sick, you can have ALL the ice cream you want!" Score! right?...but I did get sick. However, last night I was able to eat my first meal in a week and it was wonderful! The power of the priesthood and the power of fasting is real. It really is God's power on the earth today. I haven't been 100 percent better, but I have been able to go to all my classes and have minimal pain. I am so grateful for this gospel. It really is the only way to be truly happy in this life.

So as we were teaching our investigadors this week, we asked Sabrina to commit to bapstism and we've had 6 lessons with her and so when we asked her she paused and then looked at us and said, in spanish of course, "I don't know that this is true." It just about crushed my heart. Like, how can you be feeling this spirit and have your heart be so warm and full and not know of the truth of this gospel? That was a rough night for me and Hermana Jepson. The next day we met our second investigador and his name if Frederman and we had the first lesson and got to get to know him and his concerns and the spirit was so strong in that lesson, I've never felt it so strongly in a lesson before. It was amazing and just made me so happy! I know we can help him find happiness, because, he is very sad and has alot of problems. But I know that as we continue to teach him that he'll open us to us more and the spirit will be able to soften his heart.

So our other nortes (gringos) are leaving!! I am so sad! So there will be only 4 white sisters in the CCM and the other two hermanas aren't even in our branch, so we never see them. And our latino roomies are leaving and I am SO sad!! Hermana Garcia and Hermana Flores are my favorite! We spend so much time laughing together. They are such sweethearts and will be amazing missionaries. Hermana Flores is very homesick and misses her family so much and one night we were all done saying prayers except her and I have the bottom bunk and so does she and I heard her crying while saying her prayers, so I got out of bed and knelt down by her and gave her a big hug for a few minutes and told her that I loved her in spanish and then got back into bed. I love the sisters I serve with SO much! I will miss them terribly and probably won't see them again in this life, but in heaven it is going to be a fabulous reunion! So now Hna. Jepson and I will be the only ones that speak english in our district but I guess it's okay because now I really will be forced to learn the language if I ever want to talk to someone besides me comp at meals. 

Tomorrow we are getting a tour of the city, going to a market, I am so excited! and we are eating at Wendy's for lunch! Yay for american food! I hope my stomach feels good enough to eat. 

So just FYI, it takes 6 weeks for packages to get here and 2 weeks for letters. I do want an ipod mom, I'm having music withdrawls. I want english and spanish hymns and CHRISTMAS music! I'm SO excited for christmas!! But don't send it just yet, because some mission presidents let us listen to disney music and if mine does, I want Frozen, Tangled, Hercules and some others. So I'll let you know next month what Presidente Caffaro says. 

Bubba! How was your birthday?? I sounds like you had an awesome party! Sad to have missed it, but I thought about you all day! And thank you so much for the journal. I use it every single day! and every time I write in it i think about you!

One other thing I was thinking about this week, is how blessed we are to be Americans and to speak the same language as the prophets. I don't think any of us realize how fortunate we are. The CCM is in the 'rich' part of the country and the home that is right outside of my window I would most definitley not classify as 'rich'. Very poor would be more like it. Seeing the poverty here is very hard and when I think about American wealth its simply disgusting. Hermana Garcia got a letter from her family and in it was ten dollars and I swear she acted like she was the richest person in the world. It was better than christmas for her. I was in shock. And to be honest felt completely sick inside knowing that I would make that amount of money in one hour at work. BE GRATEFUL TO BE AMERICANS

Oh speaking of rich Americans, mom I need a crappy looking watch like ASAP. Even though I only spent $1.28 on it, it still looks expensive and it could put me in some serious danger. So whenever I leave the CCM I never wear my watch or necklace. So no jewlery for me and I might just send it all home. 

Singing called to serve it my absolute favorite thing to do. There's just something different about singing that song and wearing your missionary name tag. It is still my very favorite item I own.

I am so grateful for this opportunity and I know that this church is true! Going on a mission has been the best thing of my life. Don't get me wrong sometimes it's hard and when your investigador tells you that they don't think it's true you just sit there and ask yourself 'why am I here? I don't even HAVE to be here." but then you have a spiritual moment and remember your purpose. Representing Jesus Christ is amazing and I couldn't imagine doing anything else with my life right now. Mom, will you print out a talk by Elder Holland for me and send it to me? I can't print out any emails in the CCM but I want this talk! Its so amazing, everyone should read it! He gave it in the Chile MTC on October 28, 2000 and its about the miracle of a mission. I don't remember the exact title, but its something like that. Read it, it will change your life! 

I love you guys so much! Thanks for your prayers! They really do make such a big difference! 

Love, Hermana Tuddenham

week 1: I LOVE being a missionary!

hola mi familia!

okay first of all, how crazy was last tuesday? i think i should get a prize for worlds fastest packing sister missionary. i did forget alot of things, but i will be able to live without some of them. can you believe its already been a week? i feel like ive been here for only a few dias. also, i apologize for the typing.The space bar is broken and the keyboard is different. Also, my ingles is TERRIBLE! Its hard to switch from writing in spanish all day to then typing nothing but ingles.

there is absolutely nothing better than being a missionary. en serio. its the very best!! its also SO dificil! some days you just get so discouraged and ask yourself what the heck youre doing out here. but then Espiritu Santo testifies to you your purpose and you feel so much better! Guatemala is muy bonita! Serio, I dont even miss utah becuase it is so gorgeous here. its also FREEZING in the mornings. Totally was not expecting that. I stepped off the plane and froze the whole way to the CCM (say-say-em-aye). So the plane ride was awesome, i made such good friends with two of the elders and now we are in the same district. its so fun. we got on the bus to come and we had to sit 3 to a seat and being the only hermana out of 20 elders, i had no choice but to sit with the elders. it was very squishy and i never want to be so close to an elder again! the driving here es muy mal! serio. its so bad. the lines mean nothing and they think of the speed limit as a suggestion. so grateful i dont have to drive!

I do remember the walkers, Elder Tims, Melissas brother es en mi districto. he is very nice and very funny. the thing about there only being two hnas in a district you have to reach into your inner 12 year old boy and laugh about fart and constipation jokes all day. es wonderful....not really, but we lovethem any ways.

Dad, do you remember who Gary Ellis is? His son is oneof the elders i became friends with and is in my district, his dad served in hong kong the same time you did.

 and HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBBA!!! I went to the market today and found something for you, pero i cant send it to you for seis semanas. But i will try and get it to you as soon as i can!

any ways i sat by this guatemalan and his daughter on the plane from LAX to GUA. they were so nice and told me all about guatemala. the temple is right across from the CCM and both are in my mission boundaries, so i am already here! There are 7 norte (americans) hermanas in el CCM. thats it. Hna. Jepson (my comp from vegas) and I are the only hermanas in our district and there is only 5 of us in our rama (branch). Hna. Jepson and i are the only hnas who dont speak very good espanol and so thats kind of lonely sometimes, especially at meals when everyone is rambling off in spanish. but its all good! the latinas are very patient with us and the two we room with are so sweet! we have been getting better at communicating and the past few nights, we just laugh the whole hour we get ready for bed. its the best! one of them told me i look like taylor swift and sound like her when i sing...i laughed so hard! i am also the tallest girl in the CCM, out of every sister that is here, the missionaries, the teachers and the workers. its just great. and i thought i was tall en estadios unidos, pero im a freaking giant down here. its pretty cool. i get lots of strange looks.

last night it rained. it rains every day. i will pour for an hour and then stop for three and then rain for 30 minutes and stop. it smells devine. serio. its the best! the food is also muy bueno. i like it better than americano food for the most part. mi poor companera has been so sick becuase of the comida...her tummy does not like it very much. the elders are also having some issues. i havebeen blessed to not be sick. i havent even cried since i went through security. this seriously is the best thing in the world! we are already teaching an investigador and the lessons are very hard to do porque mi espanol es muy mal, pero el espiritu santo es the real teacher. its still hard to teach. and its so frustrating porque we already love this investigador and we want her to be happy and thereis this huge language barrier! one night our lesson completely bombed. hna. jepson and i were so upset with ourselves. it was the worst day ive had here. you get back to the clase and sit there and ask yourself why youre even here, the péople cant understand you and you arent helping them and you just get so down on yourself. but then hna. jepson needed to go to thebathroom and so of course i had to go with her and i was standing there and i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and guess what? i looked like a missionary!! and my whole heart just filled with warmth. I saw my nametag and Jesuchrito underneath it and knew that this is where i am supposed to be. i LOVE my nametag. taking it off is the hardest thing for me, ive even fallen asleep with it still on my shirt. i never want to take it off!

i however, do not love cold showers, but i am learning to enjoy them...i think ive had 2 warmish showers and the rest ice cold. BE GRATEFUL for warm showers.

we went to the temple today and that was so amazing. i've never felt so much peace in the temple before. its very small, but so beautiful and i just love the people! i also saw my very first real nun today. who knew they actually exsited...i didnt, i just thought they were on movies.

umm....so some bad news....i was playing basketball during deportes, and i went up for a shot and came down and landed wrong hurt my knee pretty bad. its very swollen and hurts really bad. so if you could keep that in your prayers id really appreciate it. thank heavens for KT tape thought! mom youll probably have to send me more.  

the gift of tounges isreal! last night hna jepson and i were preparing for our lesson and we werent very excited for it. our investigador is very stubborn, doesnt keep her commitments, looks bored out of her mind when we teach and its so hard to love her all the time. but we prepared a very short lesson and prayed before hand that wed be able to love her and that the spirit would be with us. holy smokes. best.lesson.ever. we just sat there and words kept coming and theyd pop into my head when i needed them, espeically while i was bearing my testimony. it was amazing and the spirit was so strong and she actually paid attention and participated! miracle! hna. jepson y yo left ella casa and looked at each other and said, Where did those words come from??. it was such a testimony builder!

okay, well i am almost out of time. but just know i love you guys so much and pray for you every day! (I say 20 prays a day, minimum) mom, youll have to go through and make this email understandable with puncutation and proabaly fix some words. you know spanish right? i have no idea where any of the punctuation on this keyboard is pero es okay!

i know this church is true and being a missionary is the best thing in the world! i love you!

con mucho amor,

hermana tuddenham

p stands for packing & preparation

ugh. the dreaded day of packing.

i have put this off as long as i possibly can.

here are some of my tips for helping this dreaded day go smoother.

okay, who really expects girls to live for 18 months out of only two suitcases weighing no more than 50 pounds each. i mean really?

well. it is possible. but you have to pack smart.

first things first. find out what the climate is like in the place you're going.

Dry Climate = fabric suitcases
Wet Climate = hard shell suitcases

with fabric suitcases, they can be pretty light. allowing you to be able to pack more into them without exceeding the 50 pound limit. unfortunately, all of you, like me, that are heading off to rainy climates, you are going to want suitcases with a hard shell . . . unless you like your clothes and all other items you have packed to be soaking wet and smell like mildew, than the fabric ones should treat you just fine. that just doesn't sound fun to me.

i bought a set of hard shell suitcases at Costco. i am taking the large and medium sizes ones. i also bought a carry on for the plane and have my missionary bag that i will be using daily. i got my carry on at Nordstrom's rack for $30 and i purchased my missionary bag at Desseret book. Luggage is something I wouldn't be super cheap about. You will be living out of it for 18 months and un-packing, re-packing, moving and un-packing again possibly every 6 weeks. it would be terrible to have a zipper break or a tear to rip open. you can get some good luggage that won't put you in the poor house, i just suggest start looking sooner than later so you have time to be picky.

i bought all of my reading material next. it will be listed in your missionary handbook that comes with your call. you can buy everything at Desseret Book. i also bought a scripture case for my English scriptures and my Spanish set of scriptures. because we all know that every time you drop your scriptures 10 pounds gets added to your hubby & if you drop your quad that's 40 pounds! ;) all joking aside, a scripture case is easy to carry & will keep your pages from getting bent, ripped or crinkled (and i have a bunch of handouts and little notes i stick in the pages of my scriptures and they are CONSTANTLY falling out. with the case they stay in place. SO NICE!)

The next thing I bought were my clothes.

I love clothes. way too much. it's a problem and my roommates always tease me about it

so living in 8-10 outfits for 18 months, sounded absolutely terrible and impossible to me.

buy your skirts in a solid color, that way you can wear all your skirts with all your shirts.

I bought 10 skirts and have one dress.

I have super long legs, (i'm almost 6 feet tall) so finding skirts that met the mission requirements was no easy task for me. My favorite places to get skirts were Downeast & Lemon Ice (Downeast's sister store). I also found some at TJ Maxx, Ross, Mika Rose and Dillards, but they did not have as many that worked for my long legs as the other two stores did. If you don't have 'daddy long legs', you'll be able to find skirts at almost any store. Just remember it has to cover your knee sitting and standing and it cannot be too tight.

After I bought my skirts I bought my shirts to go with them. I have a lot of patterned shirts. I also bought different styles of shirts.

After I had my outfits planned out, I knew what colors i had the most of, so i was able to buy my shoes.

I got my rainboots at TJ Maxx for $20 and the rest of my shoes at Dillards. I have two pairs of Josef Sibel (Red and black zig zag) name off shoe brands

pjs
athletic clothes
jeans
hoodies
garments
bathroom items
journals/pens
deet
sunscreen

okay so i've had this saved on my computer and have been updating it as i've began to pack more and find new helpful things.

well.....today my mom and i were just hanging around the house relaxing and we got a call from the church and asked if i could be to the airport in 4 hours to take off to Guatemala! AHH!

so needless to say, this post is incomplete and i was going to upload pictures and make it all fancy, but i don't have time and to be completely honest i just threw everything into my suitcases and am crossing my fingers its under the weight limit.

God speed my friends!

Con mucho amor,
Hermana Tuddenham

(these are some scriptures i have loved while preparing to leave)

Alma 5: 13-15

Alma 5: 19

Alma 5:26

Alma 5: 48-49

Alma 7:15

do trials really bring blessings?

wow. what a week.

i don't know about you, but i am the type of person that loves having a plan. and once that plan is made, i hate changing it.

on tuesday i was able to go up to Logan and spend some extra time with my dear family. i went to the Logan temple with one of my aunts and did an endowment session and then i went to dinner with 21 members of my family. it was amazing. right after i got out of the temple, i turned my cell phone back on and had a text that i had been waiting for, for weeks! my mom texted me to inform me that my flight plans had arrived! woohoo! i was to be at SLC International Airport at 6 pm on the following Tuesday to catch a flight to LA, have a layover, and then at 12:30 am take off for Guatemala to then be picked up at that airport at 6:30 Wednesday morning to go to the Guatemala Missionary Training Center. we had a lot of excitement (and some nervousness) to talk about at dinner.

my plans were set.

i'd be set apart monday night as a sister missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and leave Tuesday night and from then on be Hermana Tuddenham for the next 18 months.

as strange as this sounds, i was mentally preparing myself for the flight. thinking of different situations i might encounter and how i would handle them. thinking of what i'd do on the plane {read my scriptures and write in my journal} thinking of what i'd do during the 2 hour layover {write letters to my family and friends & call home with the calling card}. i was preparing myself for the anxiety of stepping off that plane in an unfamiliar country and not understanding one word of the conversations going on around me or the signs telling me where to go.

i was ready for it. i was ready to be fully immersed in the country, culture & language.

yesterday i got a phone call from my stake president, who had just gotten off the phone with the church missionary department. they are switching me to the Provo MTC.

whoa.

what?

was not expecting that at all.

to most people (and to me . . . now) something like that wouldn't be a big deal. nothing really changed except the fact that i get an extra night to sleep in my own bed (YAY!!!) but i was really upset after i got that news.

i've had my call for about 5 months. i've had that plan of going to the Guatemala MTC (or CCM, as they call it there) for 5 months. My flight was scheduled and everything! i don't know if having your mission call for that long is a good thing or a bad thing.

GOOD: i've had the chance to work and save money for my mission. i've got to spend a lot of time with my family. i haven't had to rush to get everything ready.

BAD: i've had a lot of time to think about leaving and a lot of time to doubt myself and a lot of time for satan to try and get to me with those self doubts (i really really really don't like satan)

i think one of my biggest worries with going to the MTC in Provo, is that there I will be so close to home and i have many friends attending BYU and UVU that will be right next to me. I'm worried that i will be even more homesick here than i will be there.

my first year of college that first semester i was beyond homesick. i've never experienced anything like that before. and it sucked. and i was able to call and talk to my mom everyday (sometimes 3 or 4 times a day). i was able to go home on the weekends. but being a missionary one of the terms is that you only email your family on your p-day (one day a week that is set aside for doing laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, writing letters and emails, etc.) and you only talk to them on the phone or skype on Christmas and Mother's day.

i was ready to be homesick in an unfamiliar place. I've done that before, and it was hard, but eventually i got over it.

i don't know if i'm ready to be homesick with little reminders of home everywhere. knowing my sister has soccer games in provo. knowing my mom cleans the temple across the street from the MTC.

i was so concerned about all of these different things, when i realized that it all came back to fear. fear of doing something hard. fear of not knowing what it's going to be like.

as i said very first, what a week. it's been hard for me. i've packed up my room. said goodbye to family members. dear friends. been struggling with doubts if i am strong enough to do this. i actually had some people express concern to my mom, worried that i won't be able to do this. to all of you in the same situation as i am, or have been in the past, you know what it's like. its hard to go, even with positive support and my family has been amazing at giving me all the support i need. but satan is very real and this week has been one of the tougher weeks.

now back to my question.

do trials really bring blessings?

yes. sometimes i don't think we see those blessings right away. sometimes we may not see the blessing in this life. but the one thing that we can see with trails, is that they make us stronger.

tonight i was able to attend my stake conference and something that one of the speakers said spoke to me very strongly. i wasn't able to write down the quote word for word, but this is what is written in my notes,

"life is a journey. not a destination. you can't make a plan and expect it to work out how you have planned, that's not how life works. Learn to be flexible and how to adjust your sails when new situations present themselves. if you don't, life will be miserable."

so true.

i was making myself and my family all miserable yesterday because i couldn't let go of my own plan. obviously there is a reason for it. if there wasn't, I'd still have a flight scheduled for Tuesday night.

i'm okay with it now. well, mostly okay. but how grateful am i to have a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan better than i? a plan that i know i can put my full trust and confidence in. i know He'll never let me down. i know i'll have disappointments, heartbreaks and more of my own plans fail in life. but i also know that if i am able to humble myself and align my will with His, that I'll never be lead astray and everything that happens will be for the best.

i was also able to find an immense amount of comfort in one of my absolute favorite scriptures.

Joshua 1:9 -- "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

what a comfort.

we do not need to fear.

He is with us A.L.W.A.Y.S.

i know that with Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, I will be able to overcome any trail and obstacle placed in my way.

You can too. You can overcome; addiction, anger, disabilities, disappointment, fear, frustration, grief, heartbreak, illness, same gender attraction, anything else life can possible hand you through the enabling power of the atonement given to us by Jesus Christ.

we are given trials, tests and bad days to test our faith.

will we give in to the adversary? will we, as i told my mom yesterday, "...I'm waving my white flag. I'm done with trials."

or,

will we turn to Heavenly Father and not ask for it to be taken from us, but rather, be given strength to overcome whatever it is that is placed before us.

we can still choose to be happy in our trials. it may not be easy. we may not want to do it. but happiness is our choice and we choose between it and misery daily.

it truly is our choice. it may not come easy. but the glass is either half full . . . or it's half empty.

which do you prefer?

He lives. He loves. I know it.

4 days. :)