confessions of a future sister missionary

today is a day of confessions . . .

confession #1 -- I'm terrible at this blog thing, as you can probably tell it's almost been three months since my last post

confession #2 -- I'm not any better at writing in my journal . . . hopefully this mission thing teaches me to be better at writing

confession #3 -- I've been so blessed in ways I couldn't have ever imagined and owe it all to Heavenly Father.

financially, I've been more blessed than ever before in my life, which is such a relief and wonderful blessing I have one less thing to worry about.

this summer I've been blessed to have a flexible job that allowed me to spend as much time as possible with my family--my little sister even was able to come work with me sometimes.

 this summer I've been blessed with AMAZING friends & family members who have been nothing but supportive of me.

confession #4 -- I'm terrified to leave in 9 days & I hate talking about it. I don't know why . . . I guess if I don't talk about it, I don't have to think about it and I can just pretend I'm not leaving. it's probably not healthy to deal with it that way--but I'll have to confront it in a few days, so might as well avoid it and live in peace this next week ;)

confession #5 -- I am thee worlds WORST packer. Ever. I have two suit cases and both of them are already full and way over the weight limit and I haven't even packed everything! HELP ME!!

confession #6 -- I don't tell this to very many people, but I might as well let it out now . . . I don't want to leave. Don't get me wrong, I am excited for this adventure and this opportunity to share my beliefs and religion that I love so very much with the people of Guatemala, and I'm so grateful to be able to serve a mission, but I'm scared to leave. I'm comfortable with my life, and leaving that comfort zone is going to be hard to do. The more I've thought about it the more I've come to realize that all the reasons I want to stay are completely selfish and all about me. me. me. me. me. I use that word too much and am very grateful for this opportunity so I can learn that life is not all about me. As scared as I am I feel like this is what the Lord wants me to do. And I love the Lord. so here I am, deferring my scholarship, packing up my room, saying goodbye to my family and friends and am getting ready to leave.

next stop, Guatemala.