the decision to leave . . .

When I was little I never wanted to go on a mission. I didn't want to leave home and I definitely did not want to go to a place where I would have to eat weird food. But when I was 16 years old I received my patriarchal blessing from my grandfather and some of the things said in my blessing made me think that I would eventually serve a mission. I felt very nervous about that because I still didn't want to go. But when President Monson made the age change announcement I knew I needed to serve a mission and I was so excited! I felt overjoyed and could not wait to start working on my mission papers.

So in August of 2013 I moved to Cedar City to attend Southern Utah University and I met with my bishop and started working on my papers as soon as I possibly could. I attended institute and took the missionary preparation course and loved it! I couldn't have been more excited about leaving. I completed my mission papers in October and should have submitted them in November. The week before I was going to submit them, I began to feel very uneasy about going and very stressed out. I kept telling myself it was Satan making me feel that way because he didn't want me to go on a mission. I kept pushing the thought out of my mind, determined that I was going to serve a mission. But when I went to meet with my bishop I knew that I needed to stay. I was SO heartbroken. My best friend had just decided that she was going to go on a mission and I was so excited about being able to be a missionary at the same time as her and now I wasn't going to go. Along with being sad, I was a little frustrated because serving a mission would be an amazing experience and it was something that I had been looking forward to for about a year. 

The semester had two weeks left and I had no idea what I was going to do after it ended because up until that point I had just figured I'd be gone. I didn't love Cedar and had a pretty rough semester so I didn't want to stay there. I planned to move back home to Heber City and attend Utah Valley University for spring semester and then figure out the rest of my life after that point. Well, as I have learned several times, Heavenly Father has a completely different plan for each of us than we have for ourselves. I ended up staying in Cedar at SUU and I had a completely different experience than the previous semester. I met so many people through school and work that I love dearly and I was so happy and had so much fun (probably a little too much fun--dad, don't look at my grades!). 

Life was going great. I had great friends. Amazing roommates. I liked most of my classes. I had the best job in the world. I had a plan with what I was going to do with school and my career. It felt wonderful to have a plan and to be on top of everything and to be headed in the right direction. 

But once again, I learned that Heavenly Father has a different plan for us than we have for ourselves. The night before general conference I was kneeling at the side of my bed saying prayers and in high school one of my seminary teachers would always have us pray about three questions we wanted answered in conference. So as I began to pray about what questions I needed answered I felt an impression to pray about if I needed to re-think going on a mission. I thought that is was very strange because I hadn't even thought about going on a mission in months. That ship had sailed and I was finally okay with not going and was actually really excited to be able to get school over with faster. So I prayed about it and wrote it down as one of my questions thinking I already knew the answer was going to be no. 

Well, I was in for the surprise of a lifetime. After the first session of conference I knew that I needed to serve a mission. I was thrilled. I immediately set up an appointment with my stake president and couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day. I also decided that I wasn't going to tell anyone and then the day that my call came I would drive home after classes and surprise my family. Let me tell you, keeping a secret like this is SO HARD! I ended up telling my roommates, best friend and my dad because he had called to ask about my plan for the next semester and wanted to figure everything out money wise, where I'd be living and all of the concerns of a college student-so it accidentally slipped out (I'm a terrible liar). 

I also think that they need to make a disclaimer when you submit your papers that says,

"WARNING: Do not submit your papers right before finals week. You will not be able to focus and will fail all of your tests."

Even though I didn't fail any of my tests, focusing was very hard and I had a very difficult time caring about what my final grade would be. I was just too excited to find out where I'd be spending the next 18 months of my life preaching the gospel that I love more than anything in the world. My poor roommate Cami, is such a saint because that's all I would talk about and she put up with me 24/7 and would listen to me telling her how excited I was a million times a day (that's not an exaggeration either). 

With this whole process I learned so very much. I learned how to be patient (I am definitely not a patient person). I learned how to listen to the Holy Ghost and follow promptings. I learned that Heavenly Father has a special plan for each and every one of His children. I also learned that sometimes we don't understand why the answer is no or why certain people are put into or taken out our lives at certain times. But the biggest thing I learned was to trust in God and know that everything will work out exactly the way He has planned and I know with my whole heart that He has a perfect plan for me and for you. I am so excited to have this opportunity to serve a mission and I know that this is exactly where Heavenly Father needs me to be.