telling mom

Telling my family was one of my favorite parts of this whole experience. Their reactions were priceless. I wish I could have caught them all on video. 

The first person I told was my 16 year old brother, Austin. I moved home on Thursday night and on Friday he texted me and told me to come check him out of school. So I told him I would on one condition. He had to go to lunch and then fishing with me. He said he would. When he got home we were talking about where we should go eat and I said I wanted to go to Zupas in Park City because it's my favorite restaurant and they don't have one in Cedar and I had been craving their Wisconsin cauliflower soup (if you haven't tried it, go right now! It's delish!) He started complaining that it was too far and we should just go somewhere in town and close to the lake. So I said, 

"My mission call gets here on Wednesday! I'm leaving for 18 months. An extra hour with your sister won't kill you!" 

He was sitting on the kitchen counter and his eyes got as big as a grapefruit and his jaw dropped and then he broke out in a huge smile and said,

"Are you serious?"

I told him I was. He then asked if my mom knew. I told him that she didn't and he better not tell her either or he'd be in BIG trouble! He jumped off the counter and told me that she was going to kill me for not telling her but then gave me a big hug.

The second person that found out was my mom. We were talking about some things that had happened this past semester that I was feeling kind of sad about and that I didn't understand why they had to happen right now and not down the road. And this was our conversation:

Mom: "Don't worry. Everything will work out the way it needs to. You're going back to school in a few months anyways, so you'll be fine."

Me: "Umm. I'm not going back to school in the fall."

(My mom slowed the car down and gave me a funny look).

Me: "My mission call will be here on Wednesday..."

(My mom completely stopped the car and just starred at me with her mouth open).

Mom: "Are you serious?!"

Me: (smiling like a total crazy person) "Yes!!"

Mom: (by now she was smiling and had tears running down her face) "I'm going to bawl!"

Me: "Don't cry! This is happy news!"

And then the rest of the car ride and the rest of the night consisted of my mom trying to wrap her head around the fact that I would be leaving soon and actually have my call in a few days. She would walk into the room I would be sitting in and start saying something along the lines of:

"A missionary. I can't believe it. Oh my gosh. What the..I...I...I just don't even know what to think. Wow. I just can't even. My brain is floored. This is so unexpected. Oh my goodness." 

And then she'd walk about of the room and come back a few minutes later and pace and say about the exact same thing. My dad and I couldn't stop laughing all night. 

My little 10 year old brother, Dallen, was in the car when I told my mom and he had a grin from ear to ear. I love my little bubba so much. He was so excited to find out.

The next person that found out was my 13 year old sister, Ellie. She got home from soccer practice and my mom and I were sitting in our kitchen talking about the big news and my mom told me to tell her what was going on so I told her and I got attacked with a huge bear hug. (I just think she was more excited to get all of my clothes--she already has plans to demolish my room and turn it into her giant hang out area/walk in closet). 

After that we started calling extended family. I called my aunt and grandma that live in Salt Lake and they were both very happy for me. My grandma's reaction was so funny. I called her and said that I had some big news and said that my mission call would be here on Wednesday and I would love for her to be there when I opened it and she said, "Oh your mission call is coming. That's cool. Good for you." And she said it very causally like I had just told her I was going to the dentist. Then after a few times of her repeating it, it finally sank in what I had said and she began to freak out and was very excited. I got a good laugh out of that one.

I then had a seven way phone call with all of my wonderful family members that live in Logan. They were all so excited. I couldn't catch all of the specific reactions because we had so many people talking at once, but I was so much fun to be able to have so many people excited for me. It only made me more enthusiastic about serving. 

I am so grateful for the wonderful family that I was born with and all the support that comes from them. I love them dearly. I am also very lucky to have such an awesome home ward that is so full of loving and supportive people.  I truly don't know what I would do without them. 

the call

My stake president told me to expect my call on April 30th. This worked perfectly for my plan to surprise my family because I started my last final that day at 9 in the morning and the mail truck came to my apartment building at 10. So I'd finish my final and be able to pack up and move home for the summer. Tuesday night (April 29th) I could not focus on anything. I'd sit down to study for my big final and my mind would immediately begin to wander and I'd start day dreaming about opening my call and where I'd go and so I got a solid 20 minutes of actual studying in for that test. I had been having several dreams about where I'd go since I submitted my papers and in the dream I would always be in Botswana Africa. I knew that was exactly where I would be serving my mission. I looked up the Botswana mission and found a sister missionary blog that was serving in that mission and began to read through it and got so excited to go to Africa. I went to bed that night at around midnight but had some trouble falling asleep, so I wasn't actually asleep until about 1 in the morning. Well, I started dreaming about my mission call again but this time the dream went like this:

I was standing in my living room at home and all my family and some of my friends were there and I pulled the letter out of the envelop and began to read, "Dear Sister Tuddenham, you are hereby called to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. You are called to serve in the..."

And that was the dream. It replayed several times and it would never say where I would be going. By 4 in the morning I was wide awake and my heart was racing so fast it felt like I had just sprinted a marathon. No matter how hard I tried to fall back asleep I couldn't. Every time I'd close my eyes the dream would start right back up. So I laid in bed and did the smart thing and instead of studying I played games on and looked at old pictures on my iPad until it was time for me to get up and go to my final. I went and took my final and ran home as fast as I possibly could and stood in the window of my apartment waiting for the mail lady to arrive. I didn't even wait for her to close the mailbox before I was sprinting outside with the mailbox key. I stuck the key in and turned it, holding my breath, waiting to see the most important letter I would ever get in my life...AND....the mailbox was empty. EMPTY. We didn't even get any of those newspaper coupons that you just throw away. My heart sank. It had been 3 1/2 weeks and I am not patient at all. I was so sad.

I called my dad and told him the devastating news. His response was,

"Oh well, it'll come next week. This will be good for you. It'll teach you some much needed patience."

I swear the next week was the longest week of my life. With packing and moving and unpacking and being at home around my mom and not being able to say anything about it to her was torture. I'm fairly sure that week lasted a good three years!

the decision to leave . . .

When I was little I never wanted to go on a mission. I didn't want to leave home and I definitely did not want to go to a place where I would have to eat weird food. But when I was 16 years old I received my patriarchal blessing from my grandfather and some of the things said in my blessing made me think that I would eventually serve a mission. I felt very nervous about that because I still didn't want to go. But when President Monson made the age change announcement I knew I needed to serve a mission and I was so excited! I felt overjoyed and could not wait to start working on my mission papers.

So in August of 2013 I moved to Cedar City to attend Southern Utah University and I met with my bishop and started working on my papers as soon as I possibly could. I attended institute and took the missionary preparation course and loved it! I couldn't have been more excited about leaving. I completed my mission papers in October and should have submitted them in November. The week before I was going to submit them, I began to feel very uneasy about going and very stressed out. I kept telling myself it was Satan making me feel that way because he didn't want me to go on a mission. I kept pushing the thought out of my mind, determined that I was going to serve a mission. But when I went to meet with my bishop I knew that I needed to stay. I was SO heartbroken. My best friend had just decided that she was going to go on a mission and I was so excited about being able to be a missionary at the same time as her and now I wasn't going to go. Along with being sad, I was a little frustrated because serving a mission would be an amazing experience and it was something that I had been looking forward to for about a year. 

The semester had two weeks left and I had no idea what I was going to do after it ended because up until that point I had just figured I'd be gone. I didn't love Cedar and had a pretty rough semester so I didn't want to stay there. I planned to move back home to Heber City and attend Utah Valley University for spring semester and then figure out the rest of my life after that point. Well, as I have learned several times, Heavenly Father has a completely different plan for each of us than we have for ourselves. I ended up staying in Cedar at SUU and I had a completely different experience than the previous semester. I met so many people through school and work that I love dearly and I was so happy and had so much fun (probably a little too much fun--dad, don't look at my grades!). 

Life was going great. I had great friends. Amazing roommates. I liked most of my classes. I had the best job in the world. I had a plan with what I was going to do with school and my career. It felt wonderful to have a plan and to be on top of everything and to be headed in the right direction. 

But once again, I learned that Heavenly Father has a different plan for us than we have for ourselves. The night before general conference I was kneeling at the side of my bed saying prayers and in high school one of my seminary teachers would always have us pray about three questions we wanted answered in conference. So as I began to pray about what questions I needed answered I felt an impression to pray about if I needed to re-think going on a mission. I thought that is was very strange because I hadn't even thought about going on a mission in months. That ship had sailed and I was finally okay with not going and was actually really excited to be able to get school over with faster. So I prayed about it and wrote it down as one of my questions thinking I already knew the answer was going to be no. 

Well, I was in for the surprise of a lifetime. After the first session of conference I knew that I needed to serve a mission. I was thrilled. I immediately set up an appointment with my stake president and couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day. I also decided that I wasn't going to tell anyone and then the day that my call came I would drive home after classes and surprise my family. Let me tell you, keeping a secret like this is SO HARD! I ended up telling my roommates, best friend and my dad because he had called to ask about my plan for the next semester and wanted to figure everything out money wise, where I'd be living and all of the concerns of a college student-so it accidentally slipped out (I'm a terrible liar). 

I also think that they need to make a disclaimer when you submit your papers that says,

"WARNING: Do not submit your papers right before finals week. You will not be able to focus and will fail all of your tests."

Even though I didn't fail any of my tests, focusing was very hard and I had a very difficult time caring about what my final grade would be. I was just too excited to find out where I'd be spending the next 18 months of my life preaching the gospel that I love more than anything in the world. My poor roommate Cami, is such a saint because that's all I would talk about and she put up with me 24/7 and would listen to me telling her how excited I was a million times a day (that's not an exaggeration either). 

With this whole process I learned so very much. I learned how to be patient (I am definitely not a patient person). I learned how to listen to the Holy Ghost and follow promptings. I learned that Heavenly Father has a special plan for each and every one of His children. I also learned that sometimes we don't understand why the answer is no or why certain people are put into or taken out our lives at certain times. But the biggest thing I learned was to trust in God and know that everything will work out exactly the way He has planned and I know with my whole heart that He has a perfect plan for me and for you. I am so excited to have this opportunity to serve a mission and I know that this is exactly where Heavenly Father needs me to be.